so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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