apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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