is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
