We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Who died my cat blue again?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
