i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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