Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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