There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
only you would photoshop your dick
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
