never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
