he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize