and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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