Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
