I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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