Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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