We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
