It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
