his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
