I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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