You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
