i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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