Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
