sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
