ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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