This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
