if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
