I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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