Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
