Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i think i have herpe
just one?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
