one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
