I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
