can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
