If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
