My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
