Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No subtext here. People are naked.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
