you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
