I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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