I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
