Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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