I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
