Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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