I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
