he wants to bone in the snuggie
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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