Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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