R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
