so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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