I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
