I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
