fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You need a sexual gate keeper
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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