I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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