i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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