I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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