I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
