Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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