Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Randomize
