He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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