Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
