I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize