after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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