Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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