how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
