I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
