I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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