Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
