It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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