no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
