i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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