So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
