Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
