Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Still dying that you shit outside
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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