I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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